Twos, letters and saves – A guide to cigarettes

19 March 2009

When I searched Google for saves, letters and twos I was bitterly disappointed. Why was the top result about silicon filtering and not about sharing fags, tabs or ciggies on the schoolbus. This was one pillar of education which I did not miss out on, and one which I hope now to communicate to you.

this is what smoking on the bus is all about


Twos is standard. It means giving up half of your cigarette to someone, simply because they had the cheek and audacity to ask for it. Twos can apply to anything, including food, drink and sexual partners.

Saves is second best. This is for people who don’t deserve a full half of a cigarette, rather half of half a cigarette, if they are lucky enough to remind you before you flick the fag out of the window at a passing pensioner. 

Letters is an insult. Half of half of half of a fag. It is called letters because this tends to be where the cigarette company will print the brandname. This is really not worth it. Start thinking about a paper round or saving up your dinner money, because saves is never going to satisfy your nicotine craving after a hard day peanutting and seagulling.

So now you know.


3 Responses to “Twos, letters and saves – A guide to cigarettes”

  1. drutdrut Says:

    lolz @ peanutting

  2. n01d Says:

    I would have expected seagulling to have interested you more but then you were always into the asphyxiwank

  3. Herb Mombassa Says:

    Superb topic, very apt to lancashire where would you be amazed that what you call the letters was then referred to as the Nig$$r’s Di$k(circa 1988-93).
    Shockingly amazing…

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